1895-1977, American Comic Actor
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx – [Age and Aging]
Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
Groucho Marx – [Birth]
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx – [Death and Dying]
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Groucho Marx – [Books and Reading]
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
Groucho Marx – [Age and Aging]
I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
Groucho Marx – [Cooking]
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me.
Groucho Marx – [People]
I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
Groucho Marx – [Television]
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
Groucho Marx – [Faces]
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx – [Weddings]
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx – [Association]
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx – [Poverty and The Poor]
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx – [Choice]
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Groucho Marx – [Jokes and Jokers]
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Groucho Marx – [Poverty and The Poor]
My mother loved children — she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx – [Children]
No man goes before his time — unless the boss leaves early.
Groucho Marx – [Time and Time Management]
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Groucho Marx – [Marriage]
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men — the other 999 follow women.
Groucho Marx – [Leaders and Leadership]
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
Groucho Marx – [Politicians and Politics]